Seeing Eye Dog

Lizzy: Can you go blind looking at the sun?

Mommy: Ummmm. You'll probably hurt your eyes.

Lizzy turns and stares out the car to look at the sun.

Maddy: Stop, Lizzy!!!

Lizzy continues to stare out the window at the sun.

Maddy: Stop, Lizzy!!!

Lizzy continues to stare out the window at the sun.

Maddy: Fine, Lizzy! Get your own seeing eye dog! I don't care!

Confession

Maddy had her First Reconciliation (Confession) at church on Tuesday, December 6, 2011!!! Her reconciliation was in conjunction with the entire parish's reconciliation night. Because of this process, I also had to go to confession.

I had not been to confession since before Maddy was born and I was quite nervous about it. I sat down, face to face, with the priest and told him that I was nervous and that it had been a long time since I had been to confession. Fr. Mike was kind and gracious.

I continued to talk to him and go through confession. After I was finished, Fr. Mike says to me, "Well, you shouldn't be nervous, you sounded like a professional." I, jokingly interjected, "A professional sinner?!?!?!?!?" Fr. Mike belted out a hearty laugh that was heard throughout the church eventhough everyone was supposed to be in silence mode.

Kerpatrick said, "It's just like you to crack a joke during confession."

Paying Santa

"Mom!!!! Can I get an X-Box for Christmas?" Exclaims Sawyer running into the room. I respond, "Ummm. Well, an X-Box is really expensive.....it costs a lot of money."

Sawyer, with a puzzled look, asks, "Why we gotta pay Santa?"

This is Awkward

"Mom, here's my list for Christmas," Maddy said to me. "Maddy, um....I think you are going to have to cut this list down. It's quite long and quite expensive." Maddy turns her head right and left to look over her shoulder, "Look, I know there's no Santa. I know it's just you and dad. I already had this conversation with dad." "What do you mean?" I asked. "I know that there once was a Santa and he died and now there is no Santa. I mean, come on....how can Santa be in all the different malls?" Disappointedly, I ask, "What about the Tooth Fairy?" "You mean dad slipping the dollar under my pillow?" I continue to probe, "What about the Easter Bunny?" "Ummmm....the dude in the suit at the Community Center?" She continued, "Don't worry, I won't tell the other two."

I then ask her, "Is there anything that you believe in?" Maddy thinks long and hard before replying, "Ummmmm. Yeah! I believe that there once were Native Americans on this land and that they played the drums.......Oh! I also believe in God."

I then used her response as an opening to talk about God, Jesus, and Christmas....how if you believe you will receive, etc. when Maddy finally says, "Ummmm. Okay....I'm gonna go 'cause this is getting akward......."

I'm Bored...

For Kerpatrick's grandmother's 95th birthday, we decided to travel up to Chicago. I drove the kids up there (8 hours) and Kerpatrick flew in from South Carolina.

We had a really lovely weekend spending time with Kerpatrick's family. Lovely dinners, a trip to the zoo, and socializing with family we haven't seen in years.

Kerpatrick was able to drive all the way home with us to Kansas City. Since there were two of us in the car with the kids, Kerpatrick decided that we shouldn't turn on the DVD player (against my judgement).

For two hours, we had to listen to Lizzy complain about how bored she was and if we turned on the tv she would not complain any more....it got to the point where Lizzy said, "Please? I'm bored!?!?! What can I do? Anything? Seriously? Can you put on a puppet show or something??????"

Boob Job

On August 30th of this year, I underwent surgery for my shoulder. The surgeon originally thought that he was going to go in and clip the labrum, but I ended up having the rotator cuff repaired, labrum clipped, and then bone spurs removed.

For the procedure, they gave me a nerve block which really hit me hard. Kerpatrick came back to be with me and I could hardly open my eyes; yet, the nurses, doctors, and anesthesiologist came frequently to check on me. Everytime a medical personnel would come in, they would ask, "Okay, what are we having surgery on?" They did this to verify which extremity, right or left, was being operated on.

Apparently after answering the same question a dozen times, I became quite aggitated. The last time the nurse came in Kerpatrick was with me. She again asked what I was having surgery on, but this time I replied, "I'm having a boob job."

I said it with my eyes closed and did not smirk, giggle, or laugh. Poor Kerpatrick stood there in disbelief as, once again, his wife was able to put him in another awkward situation even while being sedated. He then had to explain to the nurse how I was really there for shoulder surgery although I'm sure he thought about not correcting me and letting me undergo breast augmentation.

Santa=Nana

Sawyer asked me if he could have some Wii game for Christmas. I told him he needed to ask Santa. Sawyer said, "Are you kidding me?" "I can't ask Santa. Santa is invisible! I need to talk to Nana!!!"

Not From Around Here

Yesterday I went through the traffic light while it was still yellow and then it turned red. It happened to be one of those camera lights.

I turned to Kerpatrick and asked, "Do you think I made it?"

Lizzy exclaimed from the backseat, "If you get caught, just say that you are new to Kansas City and didn't know."

(Back Story: The first week we were here in KC, KP got pulled over for going 42 in a 35 zone. KP told the policeman that he was new here, etc. and managed to escape without getting a ticket.)

Literally 2

Sawyer: We went on a bike ride, mommy!!!

Mommy: Oh! That's nice! Did you ride with dad in the trailer?

Sawyer: What? No! Daddy did not ride with me in the trailer! I rode by myself. Daddy rode the bike and I sat in the trailer!

Literally

Sawyer: I am hungry.

Mommy: I thought you already ate?

Sawyer: No, I did not eat dinner.

Mommy: What? I thought Leah was feeding you dinner!

Sawyer: NO! Leah did not feed me dinner! I fed myself. I went like this (demonstration) and fed myself with my own fork and my own plate!

Wal-Mart

We were at Wal-Mart the other day picking up Maddy's glasses. Maddy looked over and saw a teeny little baby. She got excited and said, "Wow! Look at that teeny little baby!!!" She then saw that it had tubes coming out if it's nose and asked, "Why does that baby have tubes coming out of it's nose? Can it not breathe?"

I explained that it was either to help the baby breathe or it was a feeding tube, but that I couldn't really see from that far away. Maddy asked, "Did I have a feeding tube?" I said, "Of course not, honey. You were a very healthy baby!"

Maddy got this look on her face like a lightbulb went off and said, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Did that lady marry her brother?" I, very confused and shocked, asked, "Huh? What?" Maddy repeated herself, "Did that lady marry her brother?" I said, "I am not sure what you mean, honey?"

Maddy said, "Well....daddy said that you can't marry a sibling, ya know, like your brother or sister, or else you'll have very unhealthy babies!"

Thanks for that one, Kerpatrick.

Airport

We just spent the last 8 days in Virginia visiting family, etc. Yesterday we flew back home. Our flight was right at dinner time, so, while we were waiting in the airport, I decided to get the kids some food to eat before we boarded the plane.

We got food from one of the kiosks, but couldn't find a place to sit in the airport. It was packed full of people. There was a seat here and a seat there, but not four seats together for the kids and myself.

I finally found a row of seats at a different gate, but near the one we were departing from. In order to get to the seats, we had to weave our way through people saying, "Excuse me" the whole time.

We had to single file it to get to the seats that were open. Maddy was first, then Lizzy, me, and Sawyer behind me. I happened to let out a silent toot. I didn't think much of it until my son put his nose right in my behind. Of course, his reaction was audible from the next terminal, "Oh my gosh!!! Mom! That is disgusting!!! Why did you do that?" (takes another sniff) "Yuck!"

Naturally, there were a handful of people that not only heard him, but saw the whole interaction. I literally wanted to cry from humiliation. Thank god, I never had to see those people again....

...until we boarded the plane.

Tatted up

The kids are going to be doing some professional modeling. In order to have their web portfolio updated, I needed to have some professional photos taken of the kiddos.

We are scheduled to meet with the photographer this evening. I have already blowed dried and flat ironed the girls' hair. I have sprayed Sawyer's to make it curlier. I have ironed all of their clothes. I have their accessories picked out.

Everything is ready to go, so, imagine my surprise when Sawyer comes walking into the kitchen with more than nine Spiderman tatoos all over his arms!!!!

Confined

The other morning we were headed to the community center per our normal routine. I buckled Sawyer into his carseat and decided to take advantage of the fact that he was restrained.

I gave him a million kisses all over his face! Sawyer immediately wiped his face and exclaimed, "Hey, hey, hey!!! Take it easy!!!!"

Pit Crew

As I was talking to KP in the kitchen tonight about my crazy Walmart experience...yes, I went to Walmart at 7pm on a Friday night to buy groceries...we sent the kids up to brush their teeth and get ready for bed.

KP just came back home today after being gone in Indiana for the last three days. Thus, tonight was his night to put the kids in bed. I heard him truck up the stairs, go to the bathroom where all three kids were and exclaim, "HOLY MOLY!!! These are the three most beautiful, handsome kids I have ever seen!!!"

All three kids were in the bathroom together brushing their hair, spraying it with detangler, and styling it. (I had taken all three to Great Clips today to get their hair cut).

KP called down to me in the kitchen, "Mommy! It's like a pit crew in here! Sawyer is even working so hard that he has two brushes going at once!"

Vampires

Maddy: "Mom!?!?!? What if a vampire gets a boo-boo and sucks his own blood? Then what happens?"

Me:...........cricket, cricket, cricket......

Chit Chat

The other day I was at the community center waiting for my friend, Leah, to finish up swim lessons with her son. As Sawyer and I were waiting, one of the men who works there, came up to me for a friendly chat.

His opening statement was, "Wayylll, I am waitin' for my baby tuh be born." I looked at him with a questioning look and he rephrased for me, "My daughter's havin' another baby and I'm waitin' for her to go in tuh labor." I said, "Oh! I didn't realize that you were having another grandbaby." What was I supposed to say? He then continued on, "Yup. She done lost her mew-cus plug and been sittin' in a di-ah-per in fron' of duh tee-vee for two days now."

I turned around to see if I was on Candid Camera or maybe being Punked? Surely, this man had to know that I would totally throw up in my mouth at the mention of his daughter's "mew-cus" plug.

He further continued the conversation by stating, "Wayylll, it is her seventh one. I guess she's a real expert at it now."

"SEVENTH???" I exclaimed. "Yup." He said. "How in the world does one afford seven children and how old is your daughter?" I asked. Why I bothered to continue this conversation, I will never know.

The man answered, "Wayyylll, she is thirty-seven, but she done had her first one when she was....(pause for him getting choked up)....thirteen.....gimme a minute....it was stillborn, god bless....still gets me e'erytime (pointing to his heart) I think about it....(again getting choked up)....okay, I'm alright. Just needed a minute."

I sat there speechless. Couldn't think of one nice or encouraging thing to say. Thank god for Leah because she and her son came up the stairs just at the right moment to rescue me from this crazy conversation.

Graceful

Yesterday I was in WalMart with all three of my kids plus Maddy's little friend, Grayce. Sawyer had gotten one of those water noodles out of a mid-aisle display and I told him he needed to put it back. As I was trying to help him put it back, I accidently knocked over an entire box of the noodles. They spilled out everywhere. As I was trying to pick one up, I would knock over another and another. You get the picture.

Maddy looked at her friend and said, "My mom always does this." "One time, we were in Michael's and she knocked over all these scrapbooks, but she blamed it on me to be funny."

She then rolled her eyes and walked off in front of me. Oh, boy, she's gonna have fun with me as a mom during her teenage years!

Bird's Nest

Lizzy was trying to be a pretty princess in the bathtub. This is what happened when I stepped out of the room for two seconds. It took me, my friend, Leah, olive oil, conditioner, breaking the comb, cutting the comb, pliers, and 1.5 hours of patience to get this comb out of her hair. At least we did not have to cut her hair! Look at the pics. It's starts with the end result of getting the comb out and goes backwards to where the comb was when I found Lizzy. KP said that Lizzy looked like she had some kind of Lady Gaga do with the comb in her hair. He also didn't recognize the comb was out of her hair when I took the "after" pics. Enough said.

The Best Hamburger

Maddy went to Worlds of Fun on Saturday with her little friends from school. When Maddy got home, I asked what she had for lunch and she replied, "The best hamburger ever!"

Maddy NEVER eats hamburgers, so, I said, "Oh, yeah? What made this burger so great?" She said, "Well, first of all, it had chicken on it with a bun!"

I said, "Ya mean a chicken sandwich????" "Yeah!"

Chiropractor

Sawyer went with me to the "choir - practor" today...while the lady was ultrasounding my shoulder, I was laying face down on the table. Sawyer climbs up on the table, sits on my legs, and starts patting my butt like the bongos. Awesome.

Pain Tolerance

One of the kids' friends had to get a couple of stitches in her arm from a dog bite. This intrigued Lizzy and the whole ride to church today was filled with questions about stitches. "Do they hurt?" "How do they get in your skin?" "What are stitches made of?"

Maddy was trying to help answer some of Lizzy's questions. She also told Lizzy this, "Of course stitches hurt! Don't listen to mommy! She had three babies without medicine. She always says that it won't hurt!"

I laughed and asked, "Maddy!??! How did you know about that?" Maddy replied, "Every time you want me to take a medicine that I don't like or I get hurt, you always say, 'Maddy, you'll be fine. Mommy had three kids without any medicine!"

Seriously!??!?! I don't recall these conversations?

US History

Sawyer LOVES this book about the nation's monuments. His Uncle Andy gave it to Maddy when she was really itty bitty. Anyhoo....Sawyer has us read it to him every night. He practically has the whole thing memorized.

It's the cutest thing to hear him tell you about the four presidents on Mt. Rushmore and about the American "levorution." My favorite thing to hear him say is the Lincoln "mem-oreo."

All Smiles

Background helpful to understanding this story: I recently got braces put on my top four teeth. It's the third time I have had braces and hopefully the last. I should only have them for six months if all goes well.

On to the story....The other day I was having a stern talk with Maddy. We were both standing in the foyer and I was trying to educate her on the importance of not leaving her glasses laying around on the concrete driveway. It really was a lecture about how expensive they are, how they can get broken, lost, damaged, etc.

The whole time that I was talking to her, Maddy was all smiles and just oddly staring at me. Frustrated, I said, "Maddy, are you listening to me? What are you looking at?"

She then replied, "Mom, you got all kinds of food in your braces!"

Placemat

The other night I got out a placemat for Sawyer's place setting at the dinner table. He sat down at the table and said, "What's this?" Kerpatrick replied to him, "It's a placemat." Sawyer excitedly says, "Aw yeah! I don't have to use a plate anymore!?!?!?"

Rap

I love listening to a variety of music on the radio and the kids are fantastic about knowing the latest pop artists, etc. One day that song with Rhianna and Eminem came on the radio.

I could see Lizzy bee-bopping in the back to the song. She then comments after Eminem is done with his rap lyrics, "Whew! He sure had a lot to say! That other lady didn't have as much to say as him. He had a lot to say and fast!"

Babysitter Maddy

All three kids are really great about going into the childwatch area at the gyms that I work at. They like playing with the other kids, doing crafts, and playing with toys they don't have access to at home.

Last Saturday we took the kids into the gym like normal. Kerpatrick and I went to work out and when we returned to get the kids, the childwatch attendant had this to tell me....

Apparently there were two workers in childwatch that day, Jenny and Rebecca. Rebecca had to go to the bathroom so she yells out across the room to Jenny to let her know that she was leaving the room.

Maddy, age 7, who is in the middle of the room, intercepted Rebecca's message, nodded her head, gave Rebecca a wave, and said, "Okay! Go ahead! I'll watch the kids!"

Where Does a Cow Go?

While driving the other day, a huge truck carrying cows passed by us at the four way stop. Lizzy said, "Oooooo! Mommy, look! Cows!!!!" She then turned to me and said, "Where do you think they are taking all those cows?"

In that moment, I could only think about how answering her question truthfully would turn her into a vegan at age 5. Unlike Lizzy's quick-witted father, I was unable to provide an answer so I said, "Huh, I dunno."

Lizzy continued to ask me more and more questions about the cows. I just continued to say, "That's a good question.....I don't know.....hmmmm....."

You could tell that Lizzy was becoming frustrated with my evasiveness. She paused for a little and then said to me, "Mommy, I think I am going to ask daddy my questions. No offense, I know you are stronger than him, but he may be smarter."

Let Me Think

You know how kids are about their stuff. Sometimes they get territorial when others are playing with "their" toys. Well, we got in the car and Lizzy was playing with Sawyer's little Leap Frog Scribble and Write Pad. Sawyer immediately had a hissy fit and started yelling at her. I tried to mediate the situation and explained to Lizzy that she should ask Sawyer for permission if she wants to use his toys.

Lizzy politely and calmly said, "Sawyer, may I please use your scribble pad?"

Sawyer demeanor immediately changed. He stopped his tantrum, held up his hand to his face, tapped his chin with his index finger and said, "Hmmmmmmmm. Let me think......"

He then asked, "Are you wearing pink?" to which Lizzy replies, "Yes." and Sawyer then responds with, "Okay!"

That Stinks

Of all three of my children, Lizzy is by far the most nurturing. She is obsessed with baby dolls and strollers. The other night she had a doll next to her in the chair at dinner time. She was talking to me, feeding herself, and then feeding her doll. It was like looking in a mirror and seeing a reflection of myself four years ago.

After dinner, I went down to my office to work on an order and I stubbed my toe. I let out a loud wail and Lizzy came running to me. Kerpatrick was trying to corral her up to bed, but she told him that she had to take care of mommy.

Lizzy sweetly came into my office to find me holding my foot. She said, "Let me kiss it, mommy. I'll make it feel better." She kissed my foot and politely smiled. She then turned around to head out the door where Kerpatrick was standing. She discretely tried to whisper to him, but I could hear her say, "Man, that stinks."

Kerpatrick added in, "Yeah. I wouldn't have kissed mommy's foot if I were you." Lizzy said again, "Wow, I mean, it's really smelly."

Poor Mommy

Today was one of those "challenging" days with my son. He must have told me a million times that I was "mean." For example, he asked for ice cream at lunch and I said, "Oh! I have a better idea! How about we wait until daddy comes home from work and we can go as a family?" Again, he told me how mean I was for not letting him have ice cream right then and there.

I decided to have a quiet ride home which meant that I was pretty much giving Sawyer the silent treatment. We got home and I took him out of the car, got him into his pjs, and put him down for a nap all without saying a word.

Sawyer finally asked why I wasn't talking to him and I said, "Why do you think mommy is not talking?" Sawyer replied, "....because I been mean to you today." I continued, "Do you think it hurts mommy's feelings when you are not nice to me?" Sawyer nodded his head "yes." Again, I asked another question, "Does that make you sad?"

Sawyer nodded his head again and replied, "Yes...it makes me sad that daddy had to go to work today."

Aghghghghgh!

Bugs

I have been going to physical therapy for my shoulder for the past couple of weeks. Inevitably, I either have one or two children with me....now that I think about it, I have even had all three with me before.

Anyhow, yesterday I had both Lizzy and Sawyer with me. My physical therapist is really great. She is young, fun, and always trys to keep my kids entertained.

As I was performing some of my given exercises, I hear Lizzy say to my PT, "You know what Sawyer does with bugs?

PT: "No, what?"

Lizzy: "He squishes them."

PT: "What do you do when you see a bug?"

Sawyer chiming in: "She screams."

Lizzy's Words of Wisdom

This is the sisterly wisdom that I got to listen to last night as I was driving the kids home from swim lessons.

Lizzy talking to Sawyer:

"There are two things that I don't like. (Holding up two fingers) Bees and thunder. What is really scary is lightening. You know why lightening is so scary, Sawyer? I'll tell ya why. If you are in the pool and lightening hits you, it takes a picture of the inside of your body...just like an x-ray. True story."

Un-Lucky Charms

This evening we were eating our dessert - Lucky Charms cereal. Sugar cereals have become our "new dessert." The kids are not allowed to have it for breakfast, but they occasionally get it for a special dessert after dinner.

Lizzy complained, "Why don't I get that many charms???" I looked at her and said, "It's called Karma." "Huh?" she replied. I then reminded her of the time that I had a bowl of Lucky Charms out on the counter. I got distracted and walked away before pouring the milk. When I came back, every marshmallow charm had conveniently been picked out of the bowl. After reminding Lizzy of this story, she sheepishly smiled and Saint Saywer chimed in, "I tried to keep her away from your bowl, mommy."

Maddy was just a bystander in the kitchen listening to our exchange, but she gave Sawyer a look of disbelief and quietly mumbled, "Liar, liar, pants on fire....."

Thanks for the back up, Maddy.

Africa

Tonight is the third night in a row that KP has been in Arkansas. It wasn't his intention to stay tonight, but Arkansas got hit hard with snow and KP is trapped, unable to drive back to KC.

As I was getting off the phone with him this morning, Sawyer said to me, "Daddy's not coming home tonight?" I said, "No, buddy, he's not. He's stuck in the snow." Sawyer had a very sad face and then said, "Daddy's stuck in Africa." I was going to correct him and say, "Arkansas," but I didn't say anything.....same difference. Well, it has the same number of syllables anyway.

Turbulence

Although I know this is a very self-deprecating story, I still find it funny enough to share.

The other night I was in Sawyer's room when I...ya know...let one fly. I had been sitting on his floor cleaning up some scattered toys.

Sawyer wrinkled his nose at the turbulence I had just created. He also looked up at me with this very offended gaze. I sincerely apologized to him and he said, "That's okay, mommy."

He then walked over to his play toy Dirt Devil vacuum and said to me, "Here, I'll just clean up the floor where you pooped."

Smells Like Poop

On Saturday mornings the kids love to get in the bed with KP and I. This past Saturday, Sawyer was in the bed tackling his dad and playing around. All of the sudden, Sawyer got this look on his face like he smelled something bad and said, "Something smells like poop."

KP immediately said, "It's probably daddy. I haven't brushed my teeth yet."

I chimed in, "Well, maybe it's mommy. I haven't brushed my teeth yet either."

Sawyer looked back at KP and said, "Nope. It's him."

Hello???

On Monday nights, both Lizzy and Maddy have activities. Maddy has dance and Lizzy has gymnastics. I drop Maddy off at 530pm, drive .5 miles to drop Lizzy off at 6pm, go back to pick up Maddy by 630pm, and then again to get Lizzy by 7pm.

Last night, in between our Monday night routine, I decided to check my emails on my phone. I was parked in a parking spot, but was about to drive enroute to get Maddy. Sawyer says to me, "Hello??? Why aren't we moving? Mommy? Are you asleep up there?"

How do you.....?

How do you tell a grown man who you work with that he stinks? It's not that "kinda sweaty" smell. It's the "I work out in these clothes, stuff them in my locker, never take them home to wash them, and then put them on again to work out" smell. It's a horrific B.O. smell.

Another co-worker/friend and I were trying to strategize this dilemma. I told my coworker that he should confront the man because men can talk to each other like that, "Hey, dude? You put on some deo for the b.o. today???" You know, joke around....laugh it off?

My coworker suggested I do it. I am the queen of passive aggressiveness. I would make up a gift basket with deoderant, Axe body spray, some soap, etc. and give it to the stinky man. I would then ask, "Hey, have you had a chance to try the deoderant yet, so-and-so?"

I could go with my sister's approach....she ALWAYS used this on me:

Sister: "Hey! Do I have a booger in my nose?"
Me: "Nope. Looks good."
Sister: "Okay, now it's your turn."
Me: "Huh? Do I have a booger in MY nose?"
Sister: "Yeah. Yeah, ya do."

My brilliant plan to tell stinky man that he smells is to now use my kids. Kids will say whatever and just speak the truth. I remember one time when KP had some overpowering morning breath. Maddy was only two and she asked her dad, "Do you have poo-poo in your mouth?"

I asked my kids how they would tell someone that they were smelly.

Sawyer: "Ummmm. Excuse me? Mr. Man, did you put on deoderant today?"

Lizzy: "Dude. Yeah. Gotta put some deoderant right here and here (pointing to the arm pits). Whew!(holding her nose and waving the scent away)"

Maddy: "Umm..this is my assigned spot and there is YOUR assigned spot (pointing all the way across the room). Can you go stand over there?"

All I know is that I now have a pact with my fellow co-workers that they are to tell me point blank if I ever am having a smelly day.

No Receipt

All I wanted to do was return some drawer handles that I had just purchased the day before at Lowe's. I even managed to get the very closest parking spot to the front door where the "Returns and Refunds" desk was so conveniently located.

Once we were out of the car, Sawyer asked if I could get out the stroller. Of course, I denied his request. My thinking? We were twenty steps from the front door, my shoulder has been killing me (so I didn't want to lift the dang thing out of the trunk), and the parking lot was filthy. It was covered in dirty snow and ice. Instead of trekking the stroller through the mess only to have my van get even dirtier, I thought my three year old son could sacrifice walking twenty steps to the front door.

My decision to not give into my son's request, turned into whining, crying, limp three year old drama across the lot and into the store.

I got up to the front desk which was manned by a very nice older woman. I handed her the bag of handles I was returning and said, "Here's the receipt." I then turned and pointed at my son and said, "I don't have a receipt for him, but is it possible to return him anyway?"

The lady kindly smiled, refunded my money, sweetly tried to engage with my son who was now being held in my arms. Yes, I had to carry him all the way back to the car. Yes....next time, I will get out the stroller.

Mommy's Job Part II

...Maddy was doing such a great job of taking care of herself that I asked if she wanted to help me. She immediately responded that she did and was so excited to help. I aksed if she would start running the bath water for her sister and brother while I did the dishes.

While I was finishing the dishes, Maddy came down to tell me that she had washed Sawyer's body and his hair, but was having trouble rinsing the shampoo out. She said she was getting water in Sawyer's eyes. She also said that Sawyer wasn't crying, but did ask Maddy to "get mommy" to wash his hair out.

I bathed Sawyer and Lizzy and then got everyone situated with popcorn and a movie for this snowy night. Soon after, all the requests started, "Can I have more popcorn? Can I have a drink? Where's my water?"

Mommy's response, "Whew! When's mommy gonna get a break?"

Maddy very quickly responded, "Hey, you were the one who said you needed something to do because I was taking your job!"

Mommy's Job

Next month Maddy will turn seven. It's hard for me to believe that my first born is already going to be seven! To prove to you how independent and mature she is getting, I have to first explain the events of today.

We received major snow....about 3 inches in 2 hours. In fact, it's still coming down now and we should get around 13 inches total. The snow didn't start until after noon, so, we originally were going to pick Maddy up from school and take her straight to her first piano lesson.

Her piano teacher and I thought it would be best to cancel the lesson since the roads were bad and we were expecting a "white out." Since the lesson got cancelled, I called Maddy's school to let them know she should just ride the bus home like normal instead of being picked up.

When I went to get Maddy at the bus stop, she did not get off the bus - a mother's worst moment of panic. I returned to the house to find a voicemail from the school saying that she was in the office. It was about 5pm when I finally got to the school - thanks to my neighbor with 4 wheel drive and my other neighbor for sending her daughter over to watch Sawyer and Lizzy.

I expected Maddy to be upset, nervous, or scared, but she was content. She was sitting in the office very well mannered. I apologized to her and once we were in the car I explained what happened. I think Maddy actually had to comfort me more than the other way around.

When we got home, Maddy engaged with her siblings like normal and all was well. She ate her dinner and then asked me if she could "depart from the table." While I was cleaning up, I was on the phone talking to a friend. I thought I heard the water running, but wasn't sure exactly what it was so I ignored the sound. I kept talking on the phone and then decided to check out the noise. When I got upstairs to the bathroom, I opened it up to find Maddy giving herself a bath. I asked what she was doing and she said, "I am giving myself a bath."

Sure enough, Maddy gave herself a bath, washed her hair, got herself dressed, and brushed her teeth! She came downstairs with pjs, a robe, and slippers! I jokingly asked her, "What is mommy's job tonight? You have done everything that I'm supposed to do? I'm going to get fired!"

Lizzy joined the conversation and said, "You don't have a job!!!!" I looked at her with one eyebrow up and said, "I sure do!" Lizzy responded, "You stay at home!" I then said, "Taking care of all of you is a job, plus.....I am an aerobics instructor!"

Lizzy confidently responded, "What??? How is teaching all your friends how to exercise a job???"

Quid Pro Quo

Sawyer asked me if I would carry him up the stairs last night. Being the baby of the family, he is carried often - even by his sisters. My response to him was, "No." He, of course, pushed back and asked, "Why?"

I tried to explain to him that "first of all" he had not been very nice to mommy previous to his carrying request and that "second of all" he was big enough to walk by himself.

Sawyer, in his innocent, child response said, "What? I been nice to you, mommy! I let you kiss me. I let you hug me. I let you snuggle with me....."

That's What I Said

Last Sunday we decided to go out to eat for dinner. We wanted to try this Mongolian restaurant in Downtown KC. As we were driving there, Maddy asked, "So, where are we going to dinner?" I responded, "We are going to a Mongolian restaurant."

Maddy then said, "Oh!!! Yeah, I like their pa-sghetti." I corrected her by saying, "It's SPA-ghetti." She looked at me with one eyebrow up and said, "Um, yeah, that's what I said."

Maddy continued to jabber away in the back and said, "So, people who don't eat meat with their SPA-ghetti are veterinarians, right?" I, again, corrected her and said, "VEG-etarians."

She looked at me like she had previously done with one eyebrow up and said, "That's what I said!??!?!"

Christmas Miracle

The week before Christmas, I had gone shopping at Toys R Us and then Walmart. As I was standing in one of the toy aisles at Walmart - hair a mess, make-up ruined, jeans and a sweatshirt - a kind, young woman walked up to me.

She handed me something and said, "Merry Christmas on behalf of the Liberty Baptist Church." I kindly thanked her not realizing that she had just handed me an envelope with $50 cash in it.

After the woman walked off, I realized what she had given me. I then took off like a maniac running up and down the aisles asking people if they had seen this woman so I could return the money. Unfortunately, my search was unsuccessful.

The next day, I called all of the baptist churches in town and left messages. Not one church called me back. I waited a week and didn't hear anything. I took that as a sign and sent the money to my friend, Melissa, who's five year old daughter was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor in October.

The other day, I came downstairs with my hair all a mess. I think Maddy might have mentioned lion in one of her analogies. Kerpatrick, in my defense, said, "Hey....leave mommy alone. That's her money maker. All she has to do is go out like that and people hand her money."

Lost Purses

Lizzy got this beautiful purse from her Aunt B for Christmas. She carries it everywhere, which means, it gets lost everywhere. I am always on the hunt for this purse.

As I was doing Maddy's hair this morning, Lizzy came into the bathroom and said, "Maddy, since you have two purses, can I borrow one of yours?" I then asked, "Lizzy, you have a purse! Where is yours?!?!?"

She tapped her fingers on the vanity, her eyes rolled up to the ceiling, she paused a long moment, sighed, and said, "Whew....Okay...here we go again. I can't find it....."

Chores

Lizzy wanted to purchase a little Polly Pocket doll today at Walmart. She had some Christmas money and I told her that if she wanted to spend the money it was up to her.

I was helping that this excursion would help explain the concept of money, buying, etc. I should have had Lizzy pay for the doll separate from the groceries; however, the cashier had rung up everything altogether.

When we got home, I explained that Lizzy needed to give me the $ for the doll. She did give me the $, but was very upset about it. About an hour later, we revisited the whole situation again and she said she wanted her money back. I told her that she would then have to give me the doll if she wanted the money.

This whole thing ended as an upsetting ordeal and so I kindly offered Lizzy the opportunity to earn her money back. Lizzy was still crying so she tearfully asked, "Wwwwwell, how do I do that?" I said simply, "Chores."

This answer prompted Lizzy to further continue her crying outburst of frustration as she said, "Well, I can't chop wood!!!!...and I can't mow the lawn!!!...."

In a bad parenting moment, I couldn't do anything, but laugh.

Pedicures

Today I took the girls to get pedicures at a nail salon. It was my way of rewarding them for being so patient and flexible for the last couple of days as I tended to their brother. Sawyer has the flu and has been down and out for three days. Kerpatrick, of course, was out of town on business.

As we were leaving the nail salon, Maddy asked me, "Why are there only Chinese people at the nail place?" I said, "They aren't Chinese, they are Vietnamese." Maddy asked, "Vietna - wha?" "Vietnamese. They are from the country of Vietnam," I explained.

Maddy paused for a moment and asked, "Oh, okay...so this Vietnam, is it famous for doing nails? Are they like the best nail doin' country in the world?"