How do you.....?

How do you tell a grown man who you work with that he stinks? It's not that "kinda sweaty" smell. It's the "I work out in these clothes, stuff them in my locker, never take them home to wash them, and then put them on again to work out" smell. It's a horrific B.O. smell.

Another co-worker/friend and I were trying to strategize this dilemma. I told my coworker that he should confront the man because men can talk to each other like that, "Hey, dude? You put on some deo for the b.o. today???" You know, joke around....laugh it off?

My coworker suggested I do it. I am the queen of passive aggressiveness. I would make up a gift basket with deoderant, Axe body spray, some soap, etc. and give it to the stinky man. I would then ask, "Hey, have you had a chance to try the deoderant yet, so-and-so?"

I could go with my sister's approach....she ALWAYS used this on me:

Sister: "Hey! Do I have a booger in my nose?"
Me: "Nope. Looks good."
Sister: "Okay, now it's your turn."
Me: "Huh? Do I have a booger in MY nose?"
Sister: "Yeah. Yeah, ya do."

My brilliant plan to tell stinky man that he smells is to now use my kids. Kids will say whatever and just speak the truth. I remember one time when KP had some overpowering morning breath. Maddy was only two and she asked her dad, "Do you have poo-poo in your mouth?"

I asked my kids how they would tell someone that they were smelly.

Sawyer: "Ummmm. Excuse me? Mr. Man, did you put on deoderant today?"

Lizzy: "Dude. Yeah. Gotta put some deoderant right here and here (pointing to the arm pits). Whew!(holding her nose and waving the scent away)"

Maddy: "Umm..this is my assigned spot and there is YOUR assigned spot (pointing all the way across the room). Can you go stand over there?"

All I know is that I now have a pact with my fellow co-workers that they are to tell me point blank if I ever am having a smelly day.

No Receipt

All I wanted to do was return some drawer handles that I had just purchased the day before at Lowe's. I even managed to get the very closest parking spot to the front door where the "Returns and Refunds" desk was so conveniently located.

Once we were out of the car, Sawyer asked if I could get out the stroller. Of course, I denied his request. My thinking? We were twenty steps from the front door, my shoulder has been killing me (so I didn't want to lift the dang thing out of the trunk), and the parking lot was filthy. It was covered in dirty snow and ice. Instead of trekking the stroller through the mess only to have my van get even dirtier, I thought my three year old son could sacrifice walking twenty steps to the front door.

My decision to not give into my son's request, turned into whining, crying, limp three year old drama across the lot and into the store.

I got up to the front desk which was manned by a very nice older woman. I handed her the bag of handles I was returning and said, "Here's the receipt." I then turned and pointed at my son and said, "I don't have a receipt for him, but is it possible to return him anyway?"

The lady kindly smiled, refunded my money, sweetly tried to engage with my son who was now being held in my arms. Yes, I had to carry him all the way back to the car. Yes....next time, I will get out the stroller.

Mommy's Job Part II

...Maddy was doing such a great job of taking care of herself that I asked if she wanted to help me. She immediately responded that she did and was so excited to help. I aksed if she would start running the bath water for her sister and brother while I did the dishes.

While I was finishing the dishes, Maddy came down to tell me that she had washed Sawyer's body and his hair, but was having trouble rinsing the shampoo out. She said she was getting water in Sawyer's eyes. She also said that Sawyer wasn't crying, but did ask Maddy to "get mommy" to wash his hair out.

I bathed Sawyer and Lizzy and then got everyone situated with popcorn and a movie for this snowy night. Soon after, all the requests started, "Can I have more popcorn? Can I have a drink? Where's my water?"

Mommy's response, "Whew! When's mommy gonna get a break?"

Maddy very quickly responded, "Hey, you were the one who said you needed something to do because I was taking your job!"

Mommy's Job

Next month Maddy will turn seven. It's hard for me to believe that my first born is already going to be seven! To prove to you how independent and mature she is getting, I have to first explain the events of today.

We received major snow....about 3 inches in 2 hours. In fact, it's still coming down now and we should get around 13 inches total. The snow didn't start until after noon, so, we originally were going to pick Maddy up from school and take her straight to her first piano lesson.

Her piano teacher and I thought it would be best to cancel the lesson since the roads were bad and we were expecting a "white out." Since the lesson got cancelled, I called Maddy's school to let them know she should just ride the bus home like normal instead of being picked up.

When I went to get Maddy at the bus stop, she did not get off the bus - a mother's worst moment of panic. I returned to the house to find a voicemail from the school saying that she was in the office. It was about 5pm when I finally got to the school - thanks to my neighbor with 4 wheel drive and my other neighbor for sending her daughter over to watch Sawyer and Lizzy.

I expected Maddy to be upset, nervous, or scared, but she was content. She was sitting in the office very well mannered. I apologized to her and once we were in the car I explained what happened. I think Maddy actually had to comfort me more than the other way around.

When we got home, Maddy engaged with her siblings like normal and all was well. She ate her dinner and then asked me if she could "depart from the table." While I was cleaning up, I was on the phone talking to a friend. I thought I heard the water running, but wasn't sure exactly what it was so I ignored the sound. I kept talking on the phone and then decided to check out the noise. When I got upstairs to the bathroom, I opened it up to find Maddy giving herself a bath. I asked what she was doing and she said, "I am giving myself a bath."

Sure enough, Maddy gave herself a bath, washed her hair, got herself dressed, and brushed her teeth! She came downstairs with pjs, a robe, and slippers! I jokingly asked her, "What is mommy's job tonight? You have done everything that I'm supposed to do? I'm going to get fired!"

Lizzy joined the conversation and said, "You don't have a job!!!!" I looked at her with one eyebrow up and said, "I sure do!" Lizzy responded, "You stay at home!" I then said, "Taking care of all of you is a job, plus.....I am an aerobics instructor!"

Lizzy confidently responded, "What??? How is teaching all your friends how to exercise a job???"

Quid Pro Quo

Sawyer asked me if I would carry him up the stairs last night. Being the baby of the family, he is carried often - even by his sisters. My response to him was, "No." He, of course, pushed back and asked, "Why?"

I tried to explain to him that "first of all" he had not been very nice to mommy previous to his carrying request and that "second of all" he was big enough to walk by himself.

Sawyer, in his innocent, child response said, "What? I been nice to you, mommy! I let you kiss me. I let you hug me. I let you snuggle with me....."

That's What I Said

Last Sunday we decided to go out to eat for dinner. We wanted to try this Mongolian restaurant in Downtown KC. As we were driving there, Maddy asked, "So, where are we going to dinner?" I responded, "We are going to a Mongolian restaurant."

Maddy then said, "Oh!!! Yeah, I like their pa-sghetti." I corrected her by saying, "It's SPA-ghetti." She looked at me with one eyebrow up and said, "Um, yeah, that's what I said."

Maddy continued to jabber away in the back and said, "So, people who don't eat meat with their SPA-ghetti are veterinarians, right?" I, again, corrected her and said, "VEG-etarians."

She looked at me like she had previously done with one eyebrow up and said, "That's what I said!??!?!"

Christmas Miracle

The week before Christmas, I had gone shopping at Toys R Us and then Walmart. As I was standing in one of the toy aisles at Walmart - hair a mess, make-up ruined, jeans and a sweatshirt - a kind, young woman walked up to me.

She handed me something and said, "Merry Christmas on behalf of the Liberty Baptist Church." I kindly thanked her not realizing that she had just handed me an envelope with $50 cash in it.

After the woman walked off, I realized what she had given me. I then took off like a maniac running up and down the aisles asking people if they had seen this woman so I could return the money. Unfortunately, my search was unsuccessful.

The next day, I called all of the baptist churches in town and left messages. Not one church called me back. I waited a week and didn't hear anything. I took that as a sign and sent the money to my friend, Melissa, who's five year old daughter was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor in October.

The other day, I came downstairs with my hair all a mess. I think Maddy might have mentioned lion in one of her analogies. Kerpatrick, in my defense, said, "Hey....leave mommy alone. That's her money maker. All she has to do is go out like that and people hand her money."

Lost Purses

Lizzy got this beautiful purse from her Aunt B for Christmas. She carries it everywhere, which means, it gets lost everywhere. I am always on the hunt for this purse.

As I was doing Maddy's hair this morning, Lizzy came into the bathroom and said, "Maddy, since you have two purses, can I borrow one of yours?" I then asked, "Lizzy, you have a purse! Where is yours?!?!?"

She tapped her fingers on the vanity, her eyes rolled up to the ceiling, she paused a long moment, sighed, and said, "Whew....Okay...here we go again. I can't find it....."

Chores

Lizzy wanted to purchase a little Polly Pocket doll today at Walmart. She had some Christmas money and I told her that if she wanted to spend the money it was up to her.

I was helping that this excursion would help explain the concept of money, buying, etc. I should have had Lizzy pay for the doll separate from the groceries; however, the cashier had rung up everything altogether.

When we got home, I explained that Lizzy needed to give me the $ for the doll. She did give me the $, but was very upset about it. About an hour later, we revisited the whole situation again and she said she wanted her money back. I told her that she would then have to give me the doll if she wanted the money.

This whole thing ended as an upsetting ordeal and so I kindly offered Lizzy the opportunity to earn her money back. Lizzy was still crying so she tearfully asked, "Wwwwwell, how do I do that?" I said simply, "Chores."

This answer prompted Lizzy to further continue her crying outburst of frustration as she said, "Well, I can't chop wood!!!!...and I can't mow the lawn!!!...."

In a bad parenting moment, I couldn't do anything, but laugh.

Pedicures

Today I took the girls to get pedicures at a nail salon. It was my way of rewarding them for being so patient and flexible for the last couple of days as I tended to their brother. Sawyer has the flu and has been down and out for three days. Kerpatrick, of course, was out of town on business.

As we were leaving the nail salon, Maddy asked me, "Why are there only Chinese people at the nail place?" I said, "They aren't Chinese, they are Vietnamese." Maddy asked, "Vietna - wha?" "Vietnamese. They are from the country of Vietnam," I explained.

Maddy paused for a moment and asked, "Oh, okay...so this Vietnam, is it famous for doing nails? Are they like the best nail doin' country in the world?"