Gracias

In April, I got a new iPhone! One day I was stuck at work and needed Kerpatrick to pick up Sawyer from pre-school. Here's what our texts look like: Ginny: Hey! Is there any way you can get Sawyer from school at 3pm today? I'm stuck at work. Kerpatrick: Yeah, sure! I can do that! Ginny: Gracias! Kerpatrick: Hey, you might want to check the settings on your new phone. Seems to be stuck on Spanish.

Fort Lewis

Mommy: (to Lizzy and Sawyer)Okay, guys, I'm going downstairs to run on the treadmill.

Lizzy: (to Sawyer) What did she say? She's going to build a volcano?

Sawyer: (to Lizzy) No, she said she is going to run on the treadmill. (wide eyed and talking out of the side of his mouth)

Lizzy: (in a whisper) You clean it.

Sawyer: (in a whisper) YOU clean it.

Lizzy: Okay, mommy....ummmm....I'll be right back...okay...you just stay right here. Okay...

Mommy: (to Sawyer) What is Lizzy doing???

Sawyer: Oh, I don't know....maybe, perhaps....she might have built a fort with your treadmill....maybe? But I dunno.....

Lizzy: (returns and says to Sawyer in a whisper) Okay, all good. Nothing to worry about. (looks at mommy with a smile) Okay, mommy. Have a good run!

Clones

Maddy: Why is your class upset that you can't teach water aerobics anymore?

Mommy: Well, they want me to teach in the water, but I have to teach a class upstairs in the studio because another instructor quit.

Lizzy: Well, I have a great idea!!!! When Aunt B (Bernice) comes to visit us next week, maybe you could have her teach in the water and you can teach upstairs. Would that make your people happy?

Aw, Lizzy....so sweet. Too bad my sis doesn't know how to teach aerobics!

Too Obvious

Every other Friday night during Lent, our church does a Fish Fry. You buy your tickets at one end of the table and then you physically get them at the other end of the table.

I purchased our tickets and walked down to the end of the table. The man sitting at the end was holding the tickets up so I put my hand out for him to place them in my palm. The man just continued to hold them in his hand without making any kind of movement to place them in mine. So, I moved my hand in closer for him to place them in my palm. Again, the man just continued to hold them. I then just said, "Thank you" and took the tickets.

As we walked off, I gave KP an annoyed look and with my thumb up pointing over my shoulder, I mouthed, "What is up with that guy? Couldn't even meet me halfway?"

KP just looked at me with a smirk and then educated me. Turns out the dude was blind. KP said, sarcastically, that he could see how maybe the sunglasses didn't give it away at first, but the walking stick behind the man should have clued me in.

XXX

Kerpatrick was re-tiling our bathroom so we had to use the kids' bathroom to shower in. After a week of using the kids' shower, it was obvious that the drain was no match for my super mane. KP had no idea how to take the drain stopper out so we were resourceful in looking it up on YouTube.

There were a lot of "how to" videos online showing us exactly what KP needed to do to fix the clog. As we were watching the videos together, I got so grossed out when they started pulling all the hair and junk out of the drain. KP said to me, "Ya know ours is going to look like that."

A few days later, KP was fixing the drain and walked downstairs to get more tools. He gave me a funny look while I was sitting at the desk and said, "Um.....ya know that video we watched the other day?" I responded questioningly, "Yeah???" He then said, "Um...Yeah...that video was rated G. What we have upstairs is rated X. No, it's rated XXX."

Real Dad

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a Faith of God Girl Scout Workshop with Maddy. While we were there, we got to talk about her baptism, how she got her name, etc. When I was explaining the story of her baptism I talked about the priest that baptized her....

Mom: "You know, Father Bob was the one who baptized you."

Maddy: "Yes, I know."

Mom: "Did you also know that he married mommy?"

Maddy: ".....ummm...so...he's my real dad?"

Interrupting

I am at a school event with the family and got stopped in the hallway by a friend. Her and I started chatting when Lizzy walks up.

Lizzy: "Mom!"

Mom: "Just a second." I continue talking.

Lizzy: "Mom!!"

Mom: "Lizzy, one minute...." I continue talking.

Lizzy: "Mom!!!"

Mom: "Lizzy, I'm almost done. Just give mommy a second to finish."

Lizzy: "Mom, you have a booger in your nose."

Bottle of Jack

Sawyer: "Mom, can you brush my teeth....with a bottle of jack?" (singing in the tune of Kesha's song)

The Magician

Maddy: "Mom, that Jesus sure was a magician."

Mom: "Ummmm. Okay???? Why do you say that?"

Maddy: "Um. Hello? Don't you read the Bible?"

Mom: "I mean, why do YOU think he's a magician?"

Maddy: "Dude, what about that one story with the blind man? You're blind. Let's put some mud on your eyes and BAM! You're healed. Got boils....BOOM! Healed again. Seriously, they should have said to Jesus, 'Let's take this show to Vegas, Jesus. We can make a lot of money!'"

Mom: After peeing in my pants, "I'm blogging this one!"