Hair Socks

This morning KP was trying to help Sawyer get ready for school. When KP pulled out Sawyer's socks, there was a gigantic hair that somehow got balled up with them. Sawyer immediately said, "That's your hair, daddy!" Of course, this hair was about 500 times the length of KP's hair (totally mine). KP then said, "Nah uh. That's not my hair! Sawyer, that hair is so long I could sew you a new sock with it!"

Eating Us out of House and Home

After Sawyer finished TWO tacos at dinner and KP had to give him one of his so Sawyer could have a THIRD, KP said, "Well, maybe things are shifting...instead of gaining weight from eating the kids' leftovers, we'll lose weight from giving them all of our food."

Watch Out!

Here is the setup: Maddy is at the kitchen island with her back to me and the dishwasher. KP is on the other side of the island facing the dishwasher and opposite from Maddy, but they are face to face. Maddy is looking up something on the iPad, so, she is pretty engrossed. I walk over to the sink and open the dishwasher while saying, "Maddy, watch out behind you!" (I didn't want her to trip!) Maddy then takes a second, doesn't turn her attention away from the iPad, pinches her nose and says, "Okay...I'm ready." KP starts to laugh and then comments on how you know it's bad when you tell your daughter to "watch out" and she thinks you are going to rip one!

No Way, Jose!

I guess we are officially Texans! We got the van registered yesterday, received Texas plates, purchased a toll tag, and got my Texas driver's license today. It was a HILARIOUS event with my hubby at the Office of Public Safety. There was this man who could NOT pass his vision test eventhough the employee was kind of coaching him. The man kept looking in the prompter and reading it incorrectly. The employee would say, "Come on, you only have to get so many right." Finally, the employee took the man over to another machine to see if he could read that one better. When he did that, Kerpatrick leaned over to me and said, "Ya know this man is parked in the same lot we are..." After many minutes of this going on, the man started reading letters allowed. The employee then said, "Come on, Jose, you are killing me!" because there were no letters in the lines. There were only numbers!!!! Kerpatrick then leaned over to me and said, "That dude just needs to say, "NO way, Jose!" They did end up giving him his license! The female employee said to the male employee, "Did he finally get it?" The male employee said, "Eh....he was close enough." Later I was eating while we were sitting there waiting and I asked Kerpatrick if I had anything in my teeth because I had my driver's photo to look forward to. Kerpatrick replied, "Why don't you ask Jose?" When we left the office, Kerpatrick and I didn't make it two blocks before we were stopped at a red light. The light was clearly red, we were sitting there, and all of a sudden, a car started to go...on RED! KP and I looked at each other and screamed, "JOSE!!!"

What's that Smell?

So....our van stinks. I mean, really stinks. We couldn't figure out what the smell was and then we discovered it yesterday. It was Sawyer's boots. He wears snowboots without socks and now his boots smell awful. He left them in the van and it stunk the whole thing up. Maddy said...and I quote...."It's like puke married poop and had a ceremony in my nose."

Invisibility

I love listening to my children talk to each other in the car. It's funny to hear their little conversations. One day the kids were talking about things that are invisible. Lizzy chimed in with this insight: "Nothing is invisible except god....and chameleons."

Fashionista

Maddy pulls her jacket out of the dryer and puts it on to go to school. The next thing I hear is, "Um????? I can't go to school like this!" I look up to see that my underwear is stuck to the velcro of her jacket!

Hendrix

The first day that we were in Texas, we woke up in the hotel and went down to the lobby to have breakfast. While we were down there, a woman appeared with a cat in a stroller. Of course, our whole family couldn't resist staring at her. The woman said in the biggest Texan accent I have ever heard, "It's a cay-t!" I said, "Yeah, we saw that it was a cat, we just never saw one being pushed around in a stroller." She said, "Well....he's an in-door cay-t and would just run away if he weren't in this here strow-ller." Maddy said, "What's your cat's name?" The lady smirked and said, "His nay-me is Hendrix...like Jimmy Hendrix, 'cause he's a rock star!!!" Welcome to Texas!!!

Redneck Vs. Ghetto Debate

Kerpatrick traveled between Dallas and Kansas City from April-July. On one of those weekends, Kerpatrick was driving the Civic and hit a deer at the Kansas/Oklahoma border. He called me with a high pitch voice to tell me what had happened. When I inquired about the damage, KP preceeded to tell me that it wasn't that bad. Furthermore, he said that he thought about finding a hood at a junk yard and replacing our damaged one. I then asked if the hood was going to be the same color. He replied, "Well, I don't know?" I then said, "Okay, that's just ghetto." He said, "Nope...that's redneck. Ghetto is when your rims are worth more than your car."

Gracias

In April, I got a new iPhone! One day I was stuck at work and needed Kerpatrick to pick up Sawyer from pre-school. Here's what our texts look like: Ginny: Hey! Is there any way you can get Sawyer from school at 3pm today? I'm stuck at work. Kerpatrick: Yeah, sure! I can do that! Ginny: Gracias! Kerpatrick: Hey, you might want to check the settings on your new phone. Seems to be stuck on Spanish.

Fort Lewis

Mommy: (to Lizzy and Sawyer)Okay, guys, I'm going downstairs to run on the treadmill.

Lizzy: (to Sawyer) What did she say? She's going to build a volcano?

Sawyer: (to Lizzy) No, she said she is going to run on the treadmill. (wide eyed and talking out of the side of his mouth)

Lizzy: (in a whisper) You clean it.

Sawyer: (in a whisper) YOU clean it.

Lizzy: Okay, mommy....ummmm....I'll be right back...okay...you just stay right here. Okay...

Mommy: (to Sawyer) What is Lizzy doing???

Sawyer: Oh, I don't know....maybe, perhaps....she might have built a fort with your treadmill....maybe? But I dunno.....

Lizzy: (returns and says to Sawyer in a whisper) Okay, all good. Nothing to worry about. (looks at mommy with a smile) Okay, mommy. Have a good run!

Clones

Maddy: Why is your class upset that you can't teach water aerobics anymore?

Mommy: Well, they want me to teach in the water, but I have to teach a class upstairs in the studio because another instructor quit.

Lizzy: Well, I have a great idea!!!! When Aunt B (Bernice) comes to visit us next week, maybe you could have her teach in the water and you can teach upstairs. Would that make your people happy?

Aw, Lizzy....so sweet. Too bad my sis doesn't know how to teach aerobics!

Too Obvious

Every other Friday night during Lent, our church does a Fish Fry. You buy your tickets at one end of the table and then you physically get them at the other end of the table.

I purchased our tickets and walked down to the end of the table. The man sitting at the end was holding the tickets up so I put my hand out for him to place them in my palm. The man just continued to hold them in his hand without making any kind of movement to place them in mine. So, I moved my hand in closer for him to place them in my palm. Again, the man just continued to hold them. I then just said, "Thank you" and took the tickets.

As we walked off, I gave KP an annoyed look and with my thumb up pointing over my shoulder, I mouthed, "What is up with that guy? Couldn't even meet me halfway?"

KP just looked at me with a smirk and then educated me. Turns out the dude was blind. KP said, sarcastically, that he could see how maybe the sunglasses didn't give it away at first, but the walking stick behind the man should have clued me in.

XXX

Kerpatrick was re-tiling our bathroom so we had to use the kids' bathroom to shower in. After a week of using the kids' shower, it was obvious that the drain was no match for my super mane. KP had no idea how to take the drain stopper out so we were resourceful in looking it up on YouTube.

There were a lot of "how to" videos online showing us exactly what KP needed to do to fix the clog. As we were watching the videos together, I got so grossed out when they started pulling all the hair and junk out of the drain. KP said to me, "Ya know ours is going to look like that."

A few days later, KP was fixing the drain and walked downstairs to get more tools. He gave me a funny look while I was sitting at the desk and said, "Um.....ya know that video we watched the other day?" I responded questioningly, "Yeah???" He then said, "Um...Yeah...that video was rated G. What we have upstairs is rated X. No, it's rated XXX."

Real Dad

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a Faith of God Girl Scout Workshop with Maddy. While we were there, we got to talk about her baptism, how she got her name, etc. When I was explaining the story of her baptism I talked about the priest that baptized her....

Mom: "You know, Father Bob was the one who baptized you."

Maddy: "Yes, I know."

Mom: "Did you also know that he married mommy?"

Maddy: ".....ummm...so...he's my real dad?"

Interrupting

I am at a school event with the family and got stopped in the hallway by a friend. Her and I started chatting when Lizzy walks up.

Lizzy: "Mom!"

Mom: "Just a second." I continue talking.

Lizzy: "Mom!!"

Mom: "Lizzy, one minute...." I continue talking.

Lizzy: "Mom!!!"

Mom: "Lizzy, I'm almost done. Just give mommy a second to finish."

Lizzy: "Mom, you have a booger in your nose."

Bottle of Jack

Sawyer: "Mom, can you brush my teeth....with a bottle of jack?" (singing in the tune of Kesha's song)

The Magician

Maddy: "Mom, that Jesus sure was a magician."

Mom: "Ummmm. Okay???? Why do you say that?"

Maddy: "Um. Hello? Don't you read the Bible?"

Mom: "I mean, why do YOU think he's a magician?"

Maddy: "Dude, what about that one story with the blind man? You're blind. Let's put some mud on your eyes and BAM! You're healed. Got boils....BOOM! Healed again. Seriously, they should have said to Jesus, 'Let's take this show to Vegas, Jesus. We can make a lot of money!'"

Mom: After peeing in my pants, "I'm blogging this one!"

Seeing Eye Dog

Lizzy: Can you go blind looking at the sun?

Mommy: Ummmm. You'll probably hurt your eyes.

Lizzy turns and stares out the car to look at the sun.

Maddy: Stop, Lizzy!!!

Lizzy continues to stare out the window at the sun.

Maddy: Stop, Lizzy!!!

Lizzy continues to stare out the window at the sun.

Maddy: Fine, Lizzy! Get your own seeing eye dog! I don't care!

Confession

Maddy had her First Reconciliation (Confession) at church on Tuesday, December 6, 2011!!! Her reconciliation was in conjunction with the entire parish's reconciliation night. Because of this process, I also had to go to confession.

I had not been to confession since before Maddy was born and I was quite nervous about it. I sat down, face to face, with the priest and told him that I was nervous and that it had been a long time since I had been to confession. Fr. Mike was kind and gracious.

I continued to talk to him and go through confession. After I was finished, Fr. Mike says to me, "Well, you shouldn't be nervous, you sounded like a professional." I, jokingly interjected, "A professional sinner?!?!?!?!?" Fr. Mike belted out a hearty laugh that was heard throughout the church eventhough everyone was supposed to be in silence mode.

Kerpatrick said, "It's just like you to crack a joke during confession."